first one

so yesterday was quite possibly the worst day i have had in a long time. 2 people made me cry. the first one ws shaun, this wonderful man in vegas who i adore but doesnt have the time for me or the desire to make the time.i am sure i am being melodramatic but thats how it feels. it seems like no matter what i do or what level of effort i put into a relationship i am still gonna end up alone. theres no real point anymore. i pity the next guy who actually wants to date me, he is going to have one rough time of it, thats for sure. the second person is the woman i was supposed to be working for in a couple weeks, rebekah. she calls me around 11am to tell me she isnt going back to work and wont be needing me after all. i just started crying on the phone. i am so fucked. i am going to have to go back to canada because it took me 6 months to find me last job and i cant afford to do that again. booooo..why cant shit just work out for me. i see other people who may not have it all but they dont get what they do have ripped out from underneath them while the world looks down on them in pity. i feel like such a total loser. i just want to hide in my room all weekend and not see anyone at all but i have to host a bbq for these friends coming in from out of town. fuck it. i can barely be bothered to live anymore. i am not talking suicide, just hibernation from life.